What is a Rebirthing Ritual: How to Reclaim Your Birth Story
Written by Lauren Arent (Lo Clark)
Owner of Bewitched Esthetics & Licensed Esthetician since 2013
May 20th, 2024
Hello my darlings,
On Mother’s Day I decided I wanted to have a Rebirthing Ritual. This is not the same as I understand the method developed by Leanard Orr. First reason because this ritual is for the mama just as much as it is for the baby. And the second reason is because it is performed by the mama to reverse the trauma of her birthing experience not by an adult to reverse their trauma from their own birth. This ritual is ideal for mothers whose birth did not go as expected, whether that looks like interventions such as an epidural or pain medication or drastic measures such as emergency C-sections or hospital transports, even premature delivery. There are many ways for your birth story to take a deviation that can throw you for a loop. I’m here to tell you you’re not alone and there is a way to reclaim your birth story.
If you haven’t read my birth story, the short synopsis is I had to be transported to the hospital after 30 hours of unmedicated, natural labor for an unexpected C-section. I am the kind of person that plans every detail down to how I want the aesthetic to look and feel. In my home I had a complete set up including candles and flowers for my birth pool, I planned to take pictures with a polaroid while listening to a very specific soundtrack. The deviation my birth took was not only devastating but incredibly frustrating and shook a lot of my core beliefs because I had planned every detail with so much intention.
A Little Background
When my lactation specialist told me about a Rebirthing Ritual, I was immediately drawn to the idea. As the time grew closer I began to feel a little silly at the idea of what I was about to do. Again, as an intentional planner by nature, I did a deep dive on the Internet for more information about a Rebirthing Ritual. That’s when I discovered a Rebirthing Ceremony following the Leanard Orr concepts which was not what I was looking for, although I respect his ideas.
I found a blog that I took a little planning and preparation from but in the end decided to go with what felt right to me and what my lactation specialist told me. If you would like to hold your own Rebirthing Ritual, I’m going to tell you how I approached mine to give you a starting point. However, like I did, I encourage you to go with what your heart feels is right. There is no right or wrong way to do this, the purpose is to help your heart heal, your mind make sense and to rewrite unpleasant memories.
Set The Scene For Your Rebirthing
Aesthetic is a big deal for me. As I said, I had planned to place flower in my birth pool, to have candles and crystals all around me and a very specific soundtrack. As you set the scene for your Rebirthing Ritual, create your own aesthetic. Whether that was planned in the beginning or is a new concept. What elements bring you peace and tranquility? Flowers? Candles? Crystals? Music? Essential Oils? Aromatherapy?
Wherever you intended your birth to be, that is where you should begin rewriting. If you were in a birthing center or a hospital room, you can always choose to rent a space. There are pools and bath tubs you can rent for photography purposes and these might be an excellent choice if you need a scene outside your home. *Although, I highly recommend doing this at home so you can continue your ritual uninterrupted afterwards.
My Rebirthing Scene
I chose our bath at home to set the scene. Our original plan was for a home birth. My midwives had me labor in this bath for a time as they refilled the birth pool and it took me a long time for me to be able to look at that bath without feeling unsettled. For me, this was an opportunity to make my beautiful bath a place of peace once more. If you were planning to birth on your bed, set the scene in your bedroom.
For my bath, I chose dahlias and roses. My daughter’s middle name is Rose and it meant a great deal to have those in the bath. I also chose to pour milk into the water for a more aesthetically pleasing look in the water for photos. *Tip from my experience: choose large flowers with large petals (Garden Roses and Peonies would be perfect). The dalhias were small and the petals fell apart in the water and would stick to my skin. Also, greenery isn’t a bad look! Kinda sad I didn’t include any in mine. I got all my flowers at Trader Joe’s. Love their flowers. For the right energy, I placed my Goddess statue, a gift from my family, on the edge along with purifying crystals like Himalayan salt crystals and eucalyptus which is a purifying herb. If you use essential oils, please be sure they are safe for your baby!
Have Plans for a Photographer
Images from my birth bring back strong negative emotions of my birth experience. The first picture I have with my daughter I am still cut open on the surgery table. I am trying to smile but my vision is so clouded by pain and hazy from the drugs that I can hardly look at it. Having an aesthetically pleasing bath was important to me. I intend to frame many of the pictures my husband took! If you feel the same, it may even be worth looking into a photographer to capture your Rebirthing. You could also have a family member or your partner prepared to take pictures! Polaroid photos make magical memorabilia keepsakes.
Heal the Heart
Once I was in the bath, I took a few minutes before my husband brought me our baby. I put myself back into the moment of her birth. Allowed myself to feel the pain and cry as needed. Then I said my birth affirmations. The ones I said and had hoped would be true at the time my baby was born. If you didn’t have affirmations at the time of your birth, you can take this as a fresh opportunity to find or write your own.
Then my husband handed me our daughter. My lactation specialist, as well as the blog I read, suggested I go through the motions of birth. To pull my baby from below and up to my chest. I did so and tried to imagine this was the first time, as it should have been all while absorbing this new setting.
Here you could allow your babe to do the breast crawl and nurse if that was what you were planning. My first experience breastfeeding my baby was actually not an experience I wanted to rewrite. My first memory of my daughter was holding her to my breast and finding peace after the traumatic C-section. It was the event that brought me back to reality and the love I felt for her in that moment saved me. Again, follow YOUR heart through the ritual. This is for you and you do not have to do as I did, just as I did not follow any rules with my ritual.
As you hold your baby to your heart, experience the skin to skin contact as though it was for the first time. Experience the joy and let light fill your heart. Erase the pain of what was taken from you in your birth experience and rewrite it with love.
Make Sense in the Mind
My husband stepped out and allowed me some alone time with our daughter to think. Take some time to ask yourself some deep questions, here are some to get you started:
What do you regret about your birth?
What lingering emotions cause you pain?
What would you have done differently?
What was absolutely out of your control?
The self discovery of this step actually surprised me. It was good for me to make sense of the experience in a peaceful space. With no one to tell me how I should feel. As much as others will try to help you, sometimes it can be very frustrating when people tell you “you shouldn’t blame yourself” because even though they are right, it doesn’t help the mind make sense of why we feel this way. For me, asking questions and giving myself grace for my answers was very healing.
Ending The Ritual
Afterwards, my husband came and took our daughter so I could shower. This is another important step I encourage you to consider. To wash away the negative energies and emotions you leave behind in this rewriting. Whether it was a bath or in bed or wherever you chose, take a shower and cleanse yourself of the past. Move forward with your new memories.
How you spend the rest of your day is up to you. I held my baby close for the remainder of my day, choosing contact naps over the crib with snuggles and smiles. You could even spend the rest of your weekend like this, take a vacation from the rest of the world for a few days. It’s entirely up to you.
Rewriting Memories
While we cannot entirely erase what happened, you have rewritten your story as you desired. This is the story you move forward with. It is my hope that when you relive your birthing experience, even as you tell the reality, that memories of your Rebirthing Ritual will wash over you, chase away the negative associations and replace them with peace. Please tag me in your ritual photos or tell me in the comments how you customized your experience, I would love to hear your ideas if you are willing to share with me!
Wishing you a life full of beauty and blessings!
